Always Have a Plan B — plan Bush

Yes or No?
Using Yes and No Effectively


Are Yes and No the Most Difficult Words to Understand?

Two of the simplest and yet most misunderstood words in the English language are "yes" and "no." These two words have internationally-accepted symbols of "thumbs up" and "thumbs down" because of their prominence within the social media. As noted below, (well before the days of social media) Pythagoras observed that the oldest and shortest words require the most thought. How true!

Of course, yes and no are also two of the best-known antonyms in most languages (except for a few languages which do not have words for "yes" and "no"). The neutral territory between the two (not no and not yes) is generally accepted as "maybe". Many a discussion and disagreement has started with one of these three words:

Yes
No
Maybe

These words have been the subject of much debate, negotiating, and writing. As you will see below, William Ury is one of the foremost experts in the world about "Yes and No." Please join me for a journey to yes, no, and maybe.

Please don't overlook my special commentary (New Words for Communication?) near the end of the page.


Why Are Yes and No So Hard to Understand?
Which One Is the Final Answer?

One of the characteristics that causes "yes" and "no" to be misunderstood is undoubtedly the uncertainty by both the listener and speaker as to whether the word just spoken is a temporary opinion or a final answer. While it might be obvious that the listener is unsure about the strength or accuracy of the word just spoken (yes or no), the speaker is often equally unsure about which of these two words to use in a given situation. Personalities can play a major part. If someone does not want to offend other individuals, they might in fact say "yes" when they would answer "no" if they were being absolutely truthful.

How many times have you been asked for a "Yes or No" answer when you felt that neither word was an appropriate response?


Wisdom about Yes and No

  • "When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway." (Erma Bombeck)
  • "Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
  • "The oldest, shortest words - 'yes' and 'no' - are those which require the most thought." (Pythagoras)
  • "Charm is a way of getting the answer 'yes' without asking a clear question." (Albert Camus)


English Parts of Speech Don't Have Room for Yes and No

Apparently "yes" and "no" are not typically classified as a conventional part of speech — not an adverb, not an interjection, not an adjective, not one of the other remaining parts of English speech. When I realized this, it caused me to wonder if that is possibly one of the factors contributing to uncertainty about the true meaning of these words. In the world of writing and English, isn't that like a person without a country?

This complication actually gets potentially worse when we incorporate the fact that several languages do not have a direct translation for the English "yes" and "no" because they are different parts of speech. Yes, some languages did find enough room to classify these words in their part-of-speech framework. Is it any wonder that communication is so difficult at times like this?


New Words for Communication?
Or More Effective Communication Strategies?

It's been a dry year (decade? century?) for new words to replace yes, no, and maybe. While the scientific community has been hard at work inventing high tech gizmos, I think we should conclude that they have failed in their mission to come up with new models to replace yes and no. So let's move forward with a working hypothesis that we need to learn new and more effective communication strategies for using these words.



I am pleased to report that one of my favorite authors, William Ury, has been hard at work on this particular mission for much of his life. The early reports are definitely in, and his "Yes and No Trilogy" has advanced the field of communication and negotiation by a quantum leap.

But even with a strategic leap ahead, the use of these words is still a challenge. As observed by Margaret Thatcher, "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." That perspective is a valuable one to retain when it comes to expectations for negotiating and communicating. For those needing more help in this area (perhaps to communicate more effectively with their banker), please contact me to discuss effective strategies.

Copyright © 2014, Stephen Bush. All rights reserved. AEX Commercial Financing Group

Stephen Bush is the CEO of AEX Commercial Financing Group. He is a small business consulting expert who helps small businesses throughout the United States and Canada. Steve can be reached directly by email, phone, or by sending a message from the "Contact" section of this website.


Yes or No - The Guide to Better Decisions by Dr. Spencer Johnson

Dr. Spencer Johnson was a coauthor (with Kenneth Blanchard) of "The One Minute Manager." This book is written as a fable (the popular format also used for "The One Minute Manager"). It is a concise and provocative book that in the words of one reviewer "delivers much more than it claims".
Getting to Yes in the Real World With the Help of William Ury

In my opinion, listening to the video below ("Getting to Yes in the Real World") could be the best 20 minutes you will ever spend. Two of the observations that I appreciated the most were William Ury talking about "The Third Side" and "Walking Side by Side". How many times has each of us hoped for world peace? William Ury does much more than hope. He actually provides a map!

Getting to Yes — This was the first book in what has so far been a trilogy of books by William Ury dealing with "Yes" and "No". You don't have to start with this one, but I do recommend including it along your reading journey.

Getting Past No — The second in the trilogy of exceptional books about the use of "Yes" and "No" in our society. The third book in the trilogy, "The Power of a Positive No," is featured below.

The Power of a Positive No — This book is the third in William Ury's trilogy. Like all good trilogies, each can be read separately and stands on its own merits. But I think that eventually you will want to read all three.